Vegan coffee milkshake*

There's an asterisk there by "milkshake" because I am using the term in the very Rhode Island, Newport Creamery training book circa 1993 way-- denoting a beverage comprised of milk and flavoring, with absolutely NO ice cream (frappe) or ice milk (Awful Awful) or even ice. Although I'm sure you could find some coffee-flavored soy or coconut frozen treat with which to make a vegan frappe, this is for when you're just too lazy and it's so hot out, you don't even want to scoop anything into the blender.

Fill your glass halfway with ice cold water.

Fill it almost to the top with ice cold almond milk.

Top off with iced coffee.

If you're really lazy (like me), just drink it as is. For the best effect, blitz it in the blender or shake it in a martini shaker for about a minute to give it the authentic frothy Newport Creamery Milkshake feel. (For the authentic Creamery Girl experience, you can spill some of it on your polyester outfit and leather sneakers, then let it get niiiiice and sticky as it dries.)

Please note: I just went to the Newport Creamery site and downloaded the menu, for old time's sake. Looks like they are no longer confusing the world with their own take on the term "milkshake." Now it's just frappes, Awful Awfuls, and something new and exciting called an "Outrageous Awful Awful." All I can say is, "Awful big, Awful good."