Butterscotch chocolate chip oat bread

These measurements are all rough... sorry, I've been creative in the kitchen lately, which means that I say, "Oh, what if I added this? Hmm, too dry... Maybe a splash of this?"

If you do nothing else with this recipe, use it as inspiration to be bold! What's the worst that can happen when you bake with butterscotch and chocolate chips?

1 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 big smooshed very ripe banana

1/8 cup shredded coconut (the sweet kind)

1 Tbsp vanilla extract

vanilla almond milk and frangelico until the batter resembled cookie dough consistency (about 1/4 cup almond milk and a big glug of frangelico)

about 1/8 cup each of butterscotch* and semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Mix it all up, put it in a greased loaf pan, and cook at 350 for about 45-55 minutes, until it's brown and crispy on top, not TOO smooshy inside.

*I looked closer and realized that the butterscotch chips I have (Nestle) have dairy in them. Since I'm only veganesque, this works for me. But if you have a dairy allergy, leave these out. Maybe substitute more chocolate chips or some chopped pecans?

Vegan coffee milkshake*

There's an asterisk there by "milkshake" because I am using the term in the very Rhode Island, Newport Creamery training book circa 1993 way-- denoting a beverage comprised of milk and flavoring, with absolutely NO ice cream (frappe) or ice milk (Awful Awful) or even ice. Although I'm sure you could find some coffee-flavored soy or coconut frozen treat with which to make a vegan frappe, this is for when you're just too lazy and it's so hot out, you don't even want to scoop anything into the blender.

Fill your glass halfway with ice cold water.

Fill it almost to the top with ice cold almond milk.

Top off with iced coffee.

If you're really lazy (like me), just drink it as is. For the best effect, blitz it in the blender or shake it in a martini shaker for about a minute to give it the authentic frothy Newport Creamery Milkshake feel. (For the authentic Creamery Girl experience, you can spill some of it on your polyester outfit and leather sneakers, then let it get niiiiice and sticky as it dries.)

Please note: I just went to the Newport Creamery site and downloaded the menu, for old time's sake. Looks like they are no longer confusing the world with their own take on the term "milkshake." Now it's just frappes, Awful Awfuls, and something new and exciting called an "Outrageous Awful Awful." All I can say is, "Awful big, Awful good."

New cookies

I am thinking of calling these new cookies "vegan poop nuggets" so every time I offer them to people, they say, "No, thank you," and let me eat the rest of the batch.

We'll see how they are when they're not all gooey from the oven-- they may harden when they cool. But right now, they're delicious!

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt (maybe a little too much?)

1 tsp baking powder

4 tsp cocoa powder

1 large ripe smooshed banana

an underpoured 1/2 cup of sugar

same underpoured, loosely packed 1/2 cup of brown sugar

1 overflowing tsp of vanilla

just shy of 1/3 cup canola oil

4 large pinches of coconut flakes

1/3 cup chocolate chips

Combine the first grouping of ingredients (dry) in a medium bowl. Combine the next grouping of ingredients in a larger bowl. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the wet ones. Use your hands to mix it all up. Add a splash of coconut milk if it's feeling too dry. It looks like you have poop hands now, right? Now mix in the chocolate chips! Roll by the spoonful in your hands to make nugget-like cookies (or flatten them into traditional cookie shape) and bake on a silicone baking liner on a baking sheet in a 350 degree oven for 11-17 minutes, depending on how big and round your cookies are.

Eat some right after they're cool enough to transfer to the wire rack. Start contemplating more off-putting names for these cookies while they're tasting so dastardly delicious.